Be an example worth following

Always remember that you are being watched. Your friends watch you, your parents watch you and your children watch you – everyone is looking, all of the time. Your actions are life lessons to the ones who see them and we should all take care to make the lessons we teach, be good lessons. Even the clothes we wear show who we are, to friends and to strangers alike. If we smoke we are teaching our children to smoke. If we are unkind we are teaching others to be cruel. If we are thoughtless to animals, we teach acceptance of disrespect and mistreatment to all animals and people, as well. But, if we take care, if we really think before we act, our impressions on this earth will be worthy of the precious air we breathe and the glorious ground we walk on and worthy of our brother's best interests, our brothers, different though they may be, but still our brothers and our closest kin.

Stand up and be counted

If you are a Christian, stand up and say so. If you are a Jew, tell people who you are. Remember that although using words to spread your message, does so, loud and clear, your actions are even more powerful and more believable testaments. Live your beliefs and demonstrate your commitments. It is great to give your money to those less fortunate and your time to those in need but don't forget to flash a smile, look in their eyes, extend your hand and freely lend a listening ear. We all must join in the global efforts for peace between peoples, respect of our planet and celebration of our great wealth in diversity.

Leaving Home

If you are like me, kindergarten was the first place that I was sent against my will. I was taken away from the safety of parents, my home, my pets, and toys. I did not understand how my Mama could do without me there, to be her best friend. At school, they would not let me sit atop the swing set or walk along the fence. I admit, I felt a little lost and forlorn. On the bright side, I was given my own little tub of paste with a little plastic paddle so that I could stick someone else's pictures on my paper and make them mine. At least the days were short, I was brave and quiet, and I managed those two years of transition without much complaint.

The next real blow was the summer after second grade when I was sent off to Girl Scout Camp for ten days. As I remember, I was continually repeating to myself that Daddy said, 'it would very fun' and continually trying to forget that I had told myself, 'it just might not'. Sadly, I was correct in assuming that the other girls in the cabin might not be so friendly. And, no, the food was not as good as Mama's. I don't know how I stood it because every night, I had to walk up the long path through the woods, heading for the yellow light bulb glowing over the outhouse door, alone. I worried that my dog might not remember me when I got back. I did not like it there. And the letter from my parents, with chewing gum inside, was immediately confiscated by the counselors. I didn't really see why they had paid so much money for me to come so far away to be so unhappy. Gee, it was so much more fun, at home.
The yearly sessions at camp or camps went on for most of my youth and thankfully, became enjoyable adventures. I learned to make friends and to know that home would still be there when I got back.

The next time I felt any real sense of separation again was when I went away to college. But even then, my Father called me every Friday afternoon and I would happily sit in a little cubbyhole in the lobby and talk as long as he could be away from his work. I was seventeen and he was still my best Beau. I remember hiding my sadness when he told me at the beginning of the second term that he would be calling every other week from now on, so that I could learn to be more independent. I wonder now, which of us was more brave, facing that? But, it didn't take too long to realize that college life was wonderful and I kept at it for a decade – but home was always still there for the holidays and still the place I called “my house”, even when I had lived in my own apartment for some years.

It was only when I packed up all of my belongings and stored them at my Aunt's or with friends who wanted to use this or that or into my parents attic and downstairs storage rooms that I began to feel the permanence of really, leaving home. I filled two army duffel bags with clothes and presents, left my parents broken hearts in the airport and set off to live in another country. I had a one way ticket with People's Express to New York and on to England. By the time I tried to collect my baggage at Gatwick, there was only one. Half of everything I owned was gone in one fail swoop. I tearfully, rode a bus to town, thanked my lucky stars to have 85 pounds less to drag down into the subway and onto the Boat train and was smiling again by the time I reached the huge ferry which took me on a 24 hour crossing of the rough, North Sea.

I would not see my parents home again for many years. By the time I got back, they had remodeled and built on and gotten older. It was not 'my house' anymore. I was heartily welcomed but I was only a visitor. It is only right to leave home and make your way out there with the strangers. Most of us are trained to take that leap from our very, early years. Step by step our parents ween us and teach us and even push us sometimes, toward the unknown. But, it is only when we are really able, due to maturity or chance, opportunity or lack there-of, money or promise of it, a love so strong we will leave everything to keep it or a mission that powers greater than our own compels us, that we brave the unknown and go.

Promises

It has happened to most of us – all of us, probably: your spouse, your friend, your boss or your workmate has promised one thing and then done another. 'So what', they must think, 'I changed my mind. My circumstances are different now and to honor my word would cause me hardship'. Rationalizing, they might feel tricked themselves – they might feel that you didn't keep your end of the bargain and so they have every right to protect themselves, from you. They might think that they have a right to change the rules midstream, because they, after all, made the rules in the first place. If you don't like it, you can just go away. No one is making you stay.

So what do you do when you are the recipient of such a miscommunication?

You can ignore it; you can pass it off as a misunderstanding, assuming that you misheard or have no memory or were just a victim of your own wishful thinking. But, if you do this, will you be sending them the message that they can walk all over you? Will they believe that they will not be held accountable for what they say to you? Will they lose all respect for you? Will you lose all respect for yourself? Will you become hardened and suspicious and untrusting?

Perhaps, you could try and have your way, despite them. You could trick them back, stealthily stealing what's rightfully yours, enjoying revenge or wrangling things to your favor, with your intellect and devious mind. But, if you did this, wouldn't you too, then become a dishonest person? Could your rationalizations and justifications be enough, to deem it alright? But, if you trick them back, won't you be just like them? If you steal what you feel is rightfully yours, won't you really, just be a thief? If you too, become unfaithful, can you ever like yourself, and if you continue this deception, will this scheming circle ever end?

Or, although, frightening, you could confront them. This would risk an embarrassing scene, risk rejection, and risk the future – the future which you thought held such promise. And, if you did this, would they admit their mistake and make it right or would they feign ignorance or perhaps even accuse you, of trying to abuse them? Maybe, they would simply turn their back and leave you hanging, empty handed? Is it worth such unpleasantness, just to prove you are right or to win the prize, however small, just because it was promised? Sometimes you wonder, if a friend would embarrass a friend, by even mentioning, such a thing? In the end, would you really have gotten anything you wanted and if you did, would it be worth it?

In Genesis 28:10 – 32:3, we hear the story of how Jacob worked seven years for the hand of Rachel just to be tricked in the end by Lavan, into marrying her sister Leah. Yet, after this deception, Jacob did not reject Leah, nor disgrace her. He simply took her as his wife and worked another seven years for Rachel. Fourteen years is a pretty long time for Jacob to wait and work for one, whom he knew in his heart, held no respect for him. Yet, the scripture tells us that the fourteen years went by quickly for Jacob. Perhaps it was only by having a forgiving heart and letting go of anger and releasing one's tormentor from guilt, that our heart can be light and our future, bright.

Photographers and Models work together as a team

Great fashion photographers have the ability to see beauty, or interest or excitement and capture it on film. They also possess a knowledge of human nature and have the communication skills to lead the model toward their most becoming and engaging posture. A good photographer puts the models at ease using words, tones and facial expressions to help the model's feel relaxed and able to be natural. Photographers are like orchestra conductors, coordinating the back ground music, temperature, lighting, venues and atmosphere to set the perfect scene. The skilled artist behind the camera, although invisible to us,is vital to a model's success.

Although, often not given enough credit for their art and talents, models are much more than just another pretty face. They must walk a tight rope. Firstly, they must fulfill the demands of the photographer and the client. They must be able to listen, understand and then reproduce. Secondly, models need to stay true to themselves, for it is only when they let their real personality shine through that they are believable and likable. They have the hard job of winning us over, of making us want to be like them, all, without words. On top of all of this, models must also present the fashions in their best light. We know that clothes can make the woman or the man but it is also true that models help to make the clothes. A good model does not distract us from the creations they are wearing but instead, inspires us to be similarly attractive.
Good photographers need to enjoy what they do because it is their excitement and enthusiasm that are the prime motivators for the models. Models need to enjoy what they do because their attitude shows in the very steps they take. Those with an eye for composition, a communicative spirit and an a flair for style and form may want to learn about fashion photography. Documenting the trends and styles of the day and influencing society through art can be rewarding both financially and personally. People with outgoing personalities and friendly, interesting faces might find a wonderful experience waiting for them in front of a camera. Taking care to be at your best, both physically and mentally and the ability to understand how to share the fun are qualities that will pay off in the world of modeling.

What is beauty?

What makes a woman beautiful? We have always heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We know that pretty is as pretty does. We know that when a man's in love, the girl looks sweeter. Yet, people believe that some women are more lovely than others. Who is it that finds these beauties and promotes them? Who is it that sets our standards?

Artists not only have the ability to see beauty but the talent and skills to transfer it to paper or canvas or film. They can see, perhaps better than we, the qualities that make someone worth repeating. Throughout the years they have exploited our desires, tempting us to want to see their reproductions and to need to possess their pictures. They have done this by simply by copying the beauty they see before them. If we examine the examples that they have chosen for their models, we can see similarities. What is it that these artists, with their gifted eyes, can spot? What is it that makes these women beautiful to us?

Perhaps it is the inner spark they capture escaping through her twinkling eyes or the secret held that we can glimpse, along the lines of her slight smile. Maybe it is the emotions we think are hidden behind a lowered glance or the hunger of a translucent plump cheek, pinched pink in color. Could it be the shape of her face, soft and leading, oval and almost symmetrical or her hair, pulled back so sternly it reflects the window's light or instead, billowing in curls, circling round her neck like soft caresses?

Whatever the qualities are that we admire, it seems that they are universal and they are timeless. The faces of women, through the ages, have entranced artists and their patrons alike. Their faces blend together to charm us. Is it our Mother's face we see, our wife, or ourself? They could be anyone.

Maybe beautiful women are all around us. It could be that some are just a bit more fair, a tad more pleasing, but, with our rose-colored glasses of reality, aren't we all beautiful, here, beneath the sun?

How Can We Influence Our Children's Choice Of Mates?

As a parent we are often tortured by the continual parade of young prospective suitors or girlfriends that are brought before us; long haired, pierced, tattooed, Gothic, smokers, drinkers, or drop-outs. Even more confusing are the Eddie Hascles, all smiles on the outside and deceiving deviants behind your back, or the smiling girls that are so pretty yet secretly self- centered or the popular, tall, sport stars that are strong and good looking but don't have an ounce of common sense or maybe......... oh my, it can be scary.
If only we could chose for our children, wouldn't it be easier?
So if we could direct our children toward the perfect match, just what qualities would we chose?
Similarities in values are helpful, trust comes to mind, love of course and support - we want them to have the creature comforts and we know money doesn't always grow on parents. We know that there are many challenges ahead for them.
The demands of our modern society are great and we struggle to keep our heads up under all of the constant stress. Our work week takes us away from home for much of each day and for most days of each year. Every new, time saving device, costs us much money and then the continual monthly payments for the connection services tax us even heavier. We know that we need to eat healthy food but it is expensive and time consuming to prepare. We want to live in clean and comfortable, sometimes even beautiful homes and they demand expensive upkeep and renewal. Our much deserved and greatly needed entertainment takes huge chunks of our hard earned money yet it seems that the fun is over almost before it begins. We leave, we work, we return, we work, we rest and then we begin again. With each new child that comes into the family new accommodations are needed and college funds begun. With each year we age, we see our beauty and our strength first accumulate until we reach our prime and then we slowly level off and then deteriorate. We have less and less time and more and more responsibilities.
We know all of these things are going to challenge our children just as they have challenged us. To make it happily through this life our children would have it much easier with a helper, a confidant, and a true love. They will need a partner to see them through the hardships and bring a smile to their face at the end of the day. They need a mate that has the ability to give without a wish to be rewarded. They need someone who will go beyond what is asked of them, one who will do what needs to be done, even when it is late or they are tired or they feel they have already done their share.We want to help our child find the right partner. What qualities would this right partner possess?
People that have the ability to put another's well being before their own have empathy and understanding. They have love which spills freely from their happy, giving heart.These are the one's we would pick.
But, of course, we cannot hope for our child to be paired successfully with one who is giving, if they are not also, a giving soul. Even the best among us can be downtrodden and worn out by abuse. We want our child to have self respect and reasonable limits to their giving. Our goal is not to raise Buddhist monks who have only the robe on their back and an alms bowl. We want to help our children become self-sufficient while still being caring individuals. For our children to mature into such individuals we must instill these qualities into them as they grow, so that they too, will be a perfect match.
But how do we do this, how do we help nurture a giving spirit in our children? Of course, we teach them with our words. We take them to school and Synagogue or Church. We try to chose the right people to surround them and we place them in supportive, enjoyable groups. We tell them stories with a lesson and we reward them with smiles and words of praise. We give them hugs when they are good and we frown when they are disappointing. It is the occupational hazard of being a parent - to lecture, to nag, to continually teach. It is not surprising that they begin to shrug us off and leave the room or just nod in agreement and then go on about their merry way.
Sometimes, when I find myself doing the dishes late after dinner and my child is aimlessly watching television or when I am mowing the grass as my child lazes by the pool, I wonder where I went wrong? How can they let me slave away, as they sit there, doing nothing to help? Perhaps, I ask too much for one their age, or perhaps they do not see. But, as a parent, I can't give up. I simply try harder to lead them in the right direction.
Of all we say and preach and plead, I think nothing holds a candle to the most powerful lessons that we teach our children; the lessons that we really teach, through our actions. My heart always swells when my spouse comes in the kitchen, perhaps more tired than I, and pitches in. I am touched when they come out into the yard with cold lemonade and take the mower as I pass, smilingly pushing me down in the hammock, taking over, so that I can rest. I hope my children see these gifts of love. But, even if they do not see all of the examples, I am sure that they can see the results.
Raising a giving child takes giving parents. I try to remember that it is only a gift when you get nothing in return and that the real joys in life come from receiving smiles. Perhaps it is only by raising children who are full of love and have a giving spirits that we can truly influence their choice of loving, giving partners.

Can an argument be won and should you even start the argument?

Each Day we face many challenges and at times we choose to argue our case.This weekend in Vayera reading Abraham faces three challenges. In the first one God wants to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham does his best to argue passionatley to save people hi does not even know. Does he win this argument?
Next, his wife Sarah demands that Hagar and her son ( also the son of Abrahm) be sent away. Abraham chooses not to argue with Sara and does what his wife demands.  (Abraham does not argue).
Later, God instruct Abaraham to make the ultimate sacrifice and give up the son of Sarah, Isaac, at a certain location. Now again, Abarahm does not argue.
Dale Carnegie writes in his book: " How to win friends and influence people" an entire chapter in the section: "How to win people to your way of thinking " called- You can't win an argument.( page 109)

Did Abraham learn this earlier on in his first attempt to argue the case of the people of Sodom? Are there things worth standing up for? How do we stay committed to what we believe is right, at the same time not causing the other party to  turn away from us ? Can our business or personal life afford to have the results faced by Lot's wife's and become a pillar of salt just because we chose to make the wrong move and argue?